Puns

Some word puns courtesy of my friend Louis.
His blog: http://guardian-of-angels.blogspot.com/

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Did you
hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
3.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back
to me.
4. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the
Mercedes bends.
5. When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire
at will'.
6. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.
7. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
8.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
9. A prisoner's favorite
punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
10. The
roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
11. He
didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
12. The
magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
13. A dog gave birth to puppies
near the road and was ticketed for littering.
14. When the TV repairman got
married the reception was excellent.
15. If you step onto a plane and
recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
16. It was an
emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
17. He had a photographic
memory that was never developed.
18. Every calendar's days are
numbered.
19. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.
20. I used to be a tap dancer until I
fell in the sink.And more.
21. Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are
known to have no common scents.
22. I dropped out of my communism class
because of lousy Marx.
23. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
24.
In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that
votes.
25. Those who study the moon are optimists. They look at the bright
side.
26. Math teachers have lots of problems.
27. When the electricity
went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
28. He
wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
29. It wasn't school
John disliked it was just the principal of it.30. Be true to your teeth, or they
will be false to you.
31. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell
prize.
32. I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
33. A thief who
stole a calendar got twelve months.
34. When asked by a passenger how high he
would get, the pilot replied,'I don't do drugs.'
35. An illiterate fisherman
was lost at sea.
36. Russia was slow to recover after World War II because it
kept Stalin around.
37. He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning
person.
38. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a
ruler.
39. If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell
disaster.
40. Two banks with different rates have a conflict of
interest.
41. If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a
model deposed?
42. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every
purchase, but I wouldn't count on it.
43. When the waiter was asked if crabs
were served in his restauraunt he replied - oh yes ... we serve anybody!
44.
While stealing from a blood bank, the thief was caught red handed.
45. The
liquor store advertised, 'We De-Liver.'
46. A scientist doing a large
experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in
and became part of the solution.
47. Gravity, it's always putting everyone
down.
48. Prison walls are never built to scale.
49. The primary
responsibility for a child's education is apparent.
50. Did you hear about
the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

Ok, if you are getting interested in puns, try this site:
http://www.punoftheday.com/

Sources:
http://guardian-of-angels.blogspot.com/ (Posted on 3rd March 2009)